i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
