recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
