Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up under a house in Key West
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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