my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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