My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
