those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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