just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
