ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would ride that face into the sunset
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
