i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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