you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
