so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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