I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
