Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
