dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
