We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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