What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
