I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
