The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
