this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize