Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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