absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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