so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
