his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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