Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
