This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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