when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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