I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
