i barfeds in our rink
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
