I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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