hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
