I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
