a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
