in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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