i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
