my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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