I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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