i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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