Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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