Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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