i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
