i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
