Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
