drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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