so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
