Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
