4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
