That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
