i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
