I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
