This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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