don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
