we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
