Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
