I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
