Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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