out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
