I am puke
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
