Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
