watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
