Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
