Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
