Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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