We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
