Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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