5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
