Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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