I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
