totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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