i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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