Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
