you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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