all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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