2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
