So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
