i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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