in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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